Twenty four is pretty old to be the new guy, I'm the second grader can't get his own shoes tied. Jonathan Taylor Thomas growing into Tool Time, I'm in New Haven with some friends who got Fullbrights. I'm a cool guy, not. I used to be, not. I'll be here all night so get used to me. I'm a sad clown, I'm a happy poet, I'm seamus heaney, I'm Sandy Cohen. I'm so defensive but I'm digging deep, Wishing I was twenty my friends were pretend into me. Wanna play the sax, put down the ducky. Wanna be a rapper? Grant, stop sucking. Feeling all sideways, George just lucky, how'd I get daffy when I wanna be plucky? And I'm so elite, then, there's nobody above me, but i'm just daydreaming head in the clouds when the foxhole's ugly. A pox on both your houses, that's a misquote, I went to the docks to watch my ship come in and missed the boat Look ma, no manos, you lead I follow You only live once, that's the motto - not it's not Locked in my bedroom getting caught up with all the aughts Party in my headroom, nostalgia mardi gras Time clocks me in the face, G-shock to Movado 2002 blasting Locale in Novato Playing AFI on the way up to Lake Tahoe Always blame our parents, getting angry at Tate Donovan I'm an old man, all these fucking kids don't understand, see I Put in a lot of trouble trying not to seem befuddled But I gotta keep it clean because I grew up in a bubble so I'm watching teen soaps 'cause I don't know how to cope Between keeping it realistic and sticking to blind hope And I waffle back and forth, whipped cream, Leslie Knope This thing's not worth it, call it all joke How many albums does it take to make me relevant I do this periodically but I'm out of my element Rapping all ad hoc like I be on my Thomas Keller shit Air my dirty laundry but it never helps anything Now it's getting nasty watching me battle me Call me Tim Kasher, I'm the rap game's Saddle Creek Haven't put out an album of value in about a week Pat yourself on the back if you doubted me Blast from past from back when Grant was a bummer Livejournal emo teen but aging'll do a number I'm listening to death cab, watching seth and summer Kind of missing back when I could put my problems all on W Don't mean to trouble you but beg your pardon It's getting late in the game, but my day is just starting Eat your cereal, that's my face on the carton I'm okay but any promise disappeared with mischa barton

'm bad at law, I'm bad at law, I'm good at other things but I'm really bad at law Judge Learned Hand is shaking his learned head and applying his learned test, says you're really bad at law I don't even get that that's irrelevant, no, I'm not negligent, I'm just really bad at law So when I freeze up every time that I'm cold called, remember I'm really cool, I'm just really bad at law I'm pretty good at rapping but I'm pretty bad at law So I pretend to hate on my classmates, cause without exception they're not Gunner motherfucker with both hands up in con law Run into you at Bar Review, and dude you're getting cock blocked Then I take your girl back to Mansfield like haha Haven't taken crim law, but I'm pretty sure you just got robbed Social development arrested, you're boring like Bob Loblaw Like blah blah, policy, blah blah, put your hand down, dude, and just not talk Yeah, and you could probably tell this But all it is is I'm mostly jealous Cause you know all about defaults and law and econ But me, I find it kind of hellish Can't fail so I guess I'm doing wellish Read the case ten times till I get it But you gotta hot dog like relish can't help it, you got an attention fetish staying shy of libel, don't want you to sue me Hands up in the air law school George Clooney I'm in Ayres like what am I doing i'm the side making errors in the altering rule thing All this stuff, you already learned I get burned cause I don't get the terms How many weeks left till I get concerned? fuck it, I'll never clerk but I like the work If there's a club, duh, dude, you're in it You're on ten journals, you're starting your own clinic First short memo? You're finna publish it So analytic, I just don't get it Me and efficiency - between us, things get heated Always half an hour late going out on weekends Don't typically think economically and Your head is basically a TI-83, man So I'll drink harder and I'll stay out longer, ruin my education for the sake of my honor But when I go to Bar, you are there too And when I go to Liffey's you're with me too Defending my bleeding heart's getting hard to do when I'm intoxicated and you're smarter too It used to be you'd beat me at videogames and sports now you're in my course, we're talking court, and you're beating me at torts of course I'm by myself getting drunk reading casebooks And by that I mean wasting time on Facebook I'm dozing off to Cardozo, it's not a great look Backpack on swole, stuffed up with like eight books I need less before I started, more where I want to go I need less ex ante and more ex post Less undergrad Grant and more Dean Post Fuck, I owe Amar a discussion board post Someday in the classroom, put my hands up like Miley People saying Damon's like John Marshall, he's wily Akhil Amar listens hard and thinks highly Yeah, maybe someday down the line, not likely before YLS my ego was high like a tech stock Now it's like a post-1999 tech stock Long memo, wished I'd paid more attention back in Westlaw Cal Soto, bro, come and do a guest spot

Well, I don't give a fuck if I sell this On another level even better than appellate I be on Supreme shit, I know that you're jealous Come on take a swing, but you'll never hit me cause I Ball like Ruth Hit it out the park like Ruth Ballin like ruth, you know how I do GD GC of the ACLU I'm a tear it up like an ACL too Keep posted on the poster, ACS dude I be up in GPSCY, you can take a picture Acting like a big nerd, swagging like Ginsburg hanging from the rafters, that's if you get in first She's a fucking master, I call her my Splinter. Ninja, uh, acting like my time has come Like I went to law school two times at once Look at me I'm so hot that you can't hold a candle I be in the Bronx with Rivera and Mantle I be en banc with Kozinski and Reinhardt Try hard, bleeding heart, and I'm gonna die hard Yippie kay yay at a function, Iooking like I run shit I'm a mobber, no Bronx bomber, I'm a fucking justice. Like Bluto, say fuck, I drink and crush it I'm a Hammerhorse, you gon' rush it Up in Lake Place take that public No. I'm probably gonna run from it, 'cause I'm on that button-up shit And I'm aping my most favorite ancient social justice justice New clothes, I'm slick like oil be In a black robe and a stiff white doily I'm a fucking leader in my field, Scalia can eat it You're just an Alito so you're never gonna foil me Okay she 'bout it everyday She on the bench so she don't play swinging for the fences tell the men They're gonna let her have her way like she's the greatest on the court, I run this track like it's a sport I'm acting half Cal Soto half Sotomayor Fuck yes she can carry a fight Sitting on the bench to protect your rights Got Paul Clement sitting petrified I said Paul Clement, yeah fuck that guy, uh Cause DOMA, that's bad law But hold up, I'm back off Though I just don't understand that bigot shit just can't be backed up But I guess that's the man in me Want benefits for families And Ruth made sure that's happening Get that glass ceiling shattering I'm rapping so pedantically. One more thing: reproductive rights, okay I'm bad at law, and I'm bad at rap too And I don't know where I am or how I'ma get through But every time it's hard, when I don't know what to do I look up to the court and I ball like Ruth

Bitch you know the deal, uniqlo twill bought a new pair cost only twelve bills I'm not well-heeled, but that's a fucking steal if i went to cheep's that six whole meals getting low in the club like a fucking bass fiend with a fresh button-up but i never take jeans wanna see me sweat? you can never make me plus no faking but i got great knees Now i'm in the vip no cards, yo, never like a hardcore kid, no cargos Looking ice cold like I came from fargo, kept that I got shorts on, right? Anchor shorts and boat shoes, you call me the captain Nantucket reds coming fresh from the Hamptons If it's not on instagram then um, it didn't happen Backwards cap frat rappin, bro I'm in the office, champagne and shorts First had a buzz, now I got a dull roar Drank an andre then I drank one more Boss said go home, I said what for Handed him a bottle and he had me out the door That shit is unlawful, I filled out a report Fuck with my swag, I'll see your ass in court Showed up in shorts Dismissed

Don't forget your Red Bull, girl We goin out I'm in the VIP, I been falling asleep This club is moving, my eyes are drooping, I need some wings These girls like "blah, blah," all my friends are nodding off Give me a can and pour some vodka in to top it off Girl we could get down, we could do some bad things Just pound this drink down, 'cause we need us some caffeine Now we're going crazy, bouncing off the walls Spilling drinks, taking shots, throw up in the sink, take another shot Don't forget your Red Bull, girl We goin out I'm in GPSCY, everything is a blur Hyped like I'm ten on a liter of Surge Want another shot? I'm like, "sure?" To the next spot? You're like "word." You're looking hot, so I'ma infer Make love is this club like I was Usher Give a lecture on the bees and birds As we're thrown on the sidewalk by the bouncer You ask where we are but I'm not sure Do you want to walk? That's just absurd Call up the shuttle, wanna get food Make out in the street, pass out in Mamoun's Get kicked out at three, say you have more booze That's just a ruse to get me back to your room Wake up in the morning. Who the fuck are you? Where the fuck is my phone and where are my shoes? Where the fuck did the night go? What did we just do? Hey Red Bull, that's not cool I know I was tired, that much is true But next time in Civ Pro I'll stick with just two. Don't forget your Red Bull, girl We goin' out Schuck Schuck Schuck Schuck Schuck Schuck Schuck Schuck Schuck Schuck Schuck Everybody!

Yo, this is that, superbad, really non-risk averse Really back, super mack Morrison giddy verse Yeah Standing underneath the JMZ in Billyburg Get the tracks in the shot, cause I run the city first Yeah right, this for the girls in the mini skirts and the guys in pinnies Just kidding, I'm almost in a hearse Coming out of retirement firing all cylinders This is what you get from the grandchildren of a minister Daring as Chucky Finster, my listeners, tune in at work Get in a verse while typing away, all type A's they finish first By the way by the minute I'm getting shittier At rapping, I'm bad at this, I'm bad boy, I don't give a whatever So if you didn't get it It's not obvious enough I've been scared of getting older and losing out on the hold I had on culture so I'm acting inappropriate and bullshitting Yo this one for them Colleges, Still acting young, that's awkwardness getting too real like the Hobbit is Treating you like my psychologist Psychiatrist, YOLO like a nihilist Ain't defying anything at all now I'm defining it Style I'm refining it So I'm looking fly as shit in a Grey new J.Crew suit, new tie with it take a pic, this one for them freshmen on instagram straight flexing Too old now, don't get them But I don't give a fuck because I'm

There are lyrics to this somewhere.

Arbor Mist, you know what it is Two bottles, I'm the shit look at this arbor mist, you know what it is Ft. liquordale with a bag full of nips Fuck South Beach, that's no way to Liv In the line for Mokai, no getting in White zin, chilling in the spa Play CR, take a sip, pass it on Take another pull when the bottle comes around Pull a Chase S., watch them all fall down Down? Damn, I'ma turn it up Catch me at the beach, mist in a sippy cup getting wasted, baking in the sun, yuuuup, I don't really give a fuck Big bottle chardonnay - orchard Don't put it down till it's drained - orders Then I'ma play web, quarters Never get bored, hammerhorse in Florida Rack City, bitch, pass me the Arbor Mist I done drank about a fifth of this Hit the river walk mini bottle liquor shit Got a girl but they still wanna get with this drink it up, do it in public Get another bottle at the Publix Spend money at the wendy's, Love it Cheesy cheddar, got so much of it Play CR, give it right back First semester, automatic pass No low-key, that shit cray then Call me Loki, All-State mayhem Drink the sangria zin like i'm in Spain then, wake up, drinking AM in the AM Fuck milk, cranberry does you good and I'ma spill it all over your blue book

right.

Damn, I'm a hammer horse, more than you can handle, half man, half animal, half other animal Pretty bad at law, but I'm pretty good at rapping though, and I'm kicking ass in court, but there's other things that matter more Damn I'm a hammer horse, you heard it from me first, don't know what it means, look it up on Tom's t-shirt, research, I'm a fucking Westlaw fiend sir, find me in a carrel even Christmas or Easter, hold up, I been holed up till so late so show up, it's finna blow up at Lake Place, fourth floor up, I'm the greatest but I don't like labels, man child, then I got a dining room table, on the phone with comcast, never getting cable, and I go to Yale, and I say it "Yale" I might low pass but at least I won't fail, I have to 'cause rap is a ship that has sailed. fuck it, whether you're heading in the direction and your vector is pointing to public or private sector, get some dippin chicken sit in front of the projector, now just watch some cabin in the woods and feel better? better? I'm a hammer horse, you're a regular pony, I met you while killing nsync karaoke, chilling up at gpscy, everybody know, it's the hammer horse guys, the five and only, if this were always sunny I would call you jabroni, If this were the league I would call you frittata, I would probably call you Rafi. You put seven bucks worth of hoobastank on the jukebox. What? Drinks on us, drinking from a keg in the back of hank's truck, you don't want popeyes, you had it for lunch? here's a rehab, drink that, then come with us. I'm a hammer horse all night, all day, people I don't know playing pong in the hallway, always you know what to call me, You're a manatee, I'm a manowar, fuck that I'm a hammer horse.

This is grant damon, on a vacation, used care about a lot more than litigation, two years back making tracks in the basement, three years back, white canvases, baby. on the track, pull up to the station, station of life, mine's not creative, couldn't get by with a voice that grating, so i stopped waiting, went to get a jd. Punk rock, but I don't give a fuck enough, vans, no socks, and a button-up. read eater, eat pork buns, this is the stuff that you get for never fucking up. Lot of smart friends in the same profession, lot of bars with subpar beer selections, business cards that you start collecting, gone pretty far from your first direction. First impressions: you used to hate this, it left an impression, though, and now you've made it. Maybe I've lent my soul to Satan, but I'm also getting older, and it feels pretty great. Barney Stinson, Bill Clinton, in a suit like a Mormon mission, selling out like Intuition, that's Jewel, bitches, I'm a fucking glisten. Uh, like middle schoolers, talk about me at the water cooler, it's been a long time since dude was cool, since he drank the kool-aid and jumped in the pool. Since he turned to a square, sitting a cube, tuned out, short hair, doesn't have a clue. 1950s, come and get me, Glued to a desk, but I do it for you. Johnny Samson Sorry, getting weak and boring, watching baseball, Sam Adams, old glory, but if you're a rebel, I guess I'm a Tory, Chainz Madison otherwise performing. I'm the dude gonna catch your kickbacks, in a blue suit listening to riff raff, say it out loud now, holy shitsnacks, that's how i like it, a little bit mismatched. Nope, that's how it ought to be, Haiyun and me gonna watch The League, debate about living room color schemes, take kids to t-ball and stuff, and I am gonna get so out of touch, and even hip dads gonna think I suck. That's kind of what I want. I wanna be shameless, I wanna be the dads who shall remain nameless Tahoe tribe, indian guides, 1993 to 1995. Take the kids on a campout, dads get blackout, fuck yeah, "try the veal, child" I am talking literal, limousine liberal, wanna raise kids in a city that is livable, getting big bills from the hours that are billable, shit's boring so I bitch a lot, I used to love her like the Common song, but we haven't really hung out in far too long, and we don't have any friends that really get along, but I think that we could make it work if you want, I make it all up now like Assscat, 'cause I'm heading uptown like cash cab, but I do it for the masses, cash grab, yeah man, keep rollin' Black Flag, black cap, orange sf, pull a Steinbeck, heading out west, will I make it back, anyone's guess, cause I passed my tests, it means i'm not the best.

I'm John Marshall, I'm the chief justice Shout to my Congress, everyone else can suck it Shout out to McCulloch and national banking Act like you gonna tax it, what the fuck you thinking States want my opinion, they better just give up I don't fuck with precedent, make my own shit up Last time, no bank, invaded by the Brits, what? Ran into the capital, dog, and burned it up Yeah, remember that, James Madison? Changed your mind and changed it back, James Madison Read the constitution without exquisite care and then they burned the fucking White House, that was an embarrassment James Madison, we're all aware It's all about Obamacare It's all about reading with exquisite care George Washington had exquisite hair Dude was pure and intelligent, listening what he's saying Marshall and Washington, Continental gang But you thought you'd flip flop about the national bank Dolly Madison had to tear his picture out the frame They burned the white house to the ground burned the white house to motherfucking ground Fuck James Madison Fuck Rick Perry

I am firmly entrenched in the upper middle class Dreams of being Mr. West lying somewhere in the past With a shit manuscript and some never-gotten tats A Bohemian dream in conflict with the facts What's sad about Grant? cowardice, I am powerless to avoid avoiding risk, leads to annoying shit like being twenty 25, and planning out my life, and getting dressed to find skinny jeans are too tight, and, I like wearing ties, and I want to wear my running shoes all of the time Yeah, it's me, I'm that guy now My friends are so successful, but with that comes tradeoffs, I could name off several Like when we go out, and the bar plays "levels" lose their shit like college kids in 2011. And man I never thought I'd have to give up music, but still if you don't practice, you kind of start lose it So I'm getting worse at rapping in favor of getting stupid After memorizing facts about sixth amendment abuses Got a Handl on Massiah, but after that I am clueless Euclid vs. Ohio in the zone, that's stupid No one'll get it, I do it for my amusement And you should probably get I been abandoned by the muses. walking up to your office and a song of mine is audible got you namedropping artists you heard about from your daughter You like Skrillex? He sure rocks, but I think he's getting to pop? Man, I make you feel awesome but you don't give me an offer, though What the fuck? Is it I don't fit in with your culture? Though my tastes these days are less pour over and more Folgers Less Macklemore in a thrift shop, more Banana clearance vulture I write shit songs when I'm pissed off, but otherwise I'm all composure I'm really just doing this for closure Sorry macbook, but it's over

A long long time ago I said I used to be cool Because I used to write music, when I used to be a student But now I'm making myself useful so I hardly ever do this Now it's old rhymes, old man bitching on my new shit What's worse? Rich kid grows up getting babied, But he writes a fucking opus from the comfort of a safety net Or maybe yet gets a job like the other kids Has to give up on a lot like the others did One less masterpiece brought into existence But it's one less asshole who's advantaged by the system But wait, you're still advantaged, and you're working within it Explicitly promoting when you could at least have hid it You can't just be a nice guy you have to be an activist But I don't like activity, I'm much more of a passive-ist white guilt like a masochist, I'm tryna be a good progressive but I'm absolutely bad at this In real life, I'm just tired, don't think that I can hold up I'm sick of caring about anything at all much when all your favorite old bands broke up It's enough to make a grown man choke up Old dreams come into focus as hang overs You woke up, sold the farm, closed shop, and fold up Responsibility, what's that It's why my ears both closed up and I don't have any tats Cause it's time to grow up, and growing up isn't rap I'm trying to support a family that I don't even have yet I've led a blessed life and my chances have been ample Life of the oldest child, gotta set a good example Go ahead and dabble a bit and sample some of the apple Then find another passion where the payback is financial Middle class values at their unexamined maxes Are exactly what I'm after, kicking ass and paying taxes Hear it, hate it Like it, buy it Love it, learn it Write it, try it Load it, post it Send it, silence Try again, still met with silence All you privileged kids with big dreams Let me hear you say "the world doesn't need it." Say it again "the world doesn't need it." Now sit the fuck down and go try not to be evil

Damn, I'm a hammer horse, more than you can handle, half man, half animal, half other animal Pretty bad at law, but I'm pretty good at rapping though, and I'm kicking ass in court, but there's other things that matter more Damn I'm a hammer horse, you heard it from me first, don't know what it means, look it up on Tom's t-shirt, research, I'm a fucking Westlaw fiend sir, find me in a carrel even Christmas or Easter, hold up, I been holed up till so late so show up, it's finna blow up at Lake Place, fourth floor up, I'm the greatest but I don't like labels, man child, then I got a dining room table, on the phone with comcast, never getting cable, and I go to Yale, and I say it "Yale" I might low pass but at least I won't fail, I have to 'cause rap is a ship that has sailed. fuck it, whether you're heading in the direction and your vector is pointing to public or private sector, get some dippin chicken sit in front of the projector, now just watch some cabin in the woods and feel better? better? I'm a hammer horse, you're a regular pony, I met you while killing nsync karaoke, chilling up at gpscy, everybody know, it's the hammer horse guys, the five and only, if this were always sunny I would call you jabroni, If this were the league I would call you frittata, I would probably call you Rafi. You put seven bucks worth of hoobastank on the jukebox. What? Drinks on us, drinking from a keg in the back of hank's truck, you don't want popeyes, you had it for lunch? here's a rehab, drink that, then come with us. I'm a hammer horse all night, all day, people I don't know playing pong in the hallway, always you know what to call me, You're a manatee, I'm a manowar, fuck that I'm a hammer horse.